Tales Out of School - Blackboard Erasers

13 Friday, 2014

Houston

Do you remember these?

How could something so benign as blackboard erasers be part of a kid getting into trouble?

First of all, I'm involved... So that explains a lot. It was back in fourth grade, the year was 1962/63. Many of us had the occasional "privilege" of clapping the blackboard erasers clean after school. I had my turns.

On the day in question, the school day was over, and I picked up the two erasers from our blackboard and headed outside, where I'd clap them together until they were free from chalk buildup.

All of the rest of my classmates likewise headed out with me, joining the children from other classes in the hall. We bumped into and jostled each other as we went - all in fun, of course.

My schoolmates all had one thing in mind at that moment: to become shepherds - and to get the FLOCK out if there!

I, on the other hand, thought it would be a great idea to clap the erasers once or twice in the hall. This might just satisfy my frequent yet strong urge to joke around. So I clapped the instruments of elimination together with a single, strong blow, and watched as a plume of thick, white chalk powder billowed up into the hallway.

That was it - the deed was done - time to move on. And so I did, but not without that cloud of chalk dust first being detected by someone. A joke is really not worth pulling without a good eyewitness!

Rules of thumb: 1. I you are going to engage in jokes, pranks, or in any other antisocial behavior, always have witnesses ( to get you into trouble!) 2. The higher the rank of the witness, the better, hence the more trouble you are likely to get into, if and when caught.

Who happens to see the white puff from my smoking gun but Mrs. Molly Roberts, the Assistant Principal!! She made a beeline for the vicinity in which I had just committed the offense, and she then zoned in on my position, despite any stealthy maneuvers I might have made.

The administrators of the school I attended had a penchant for making a big deal out of almost nothing. Not only that, but the truth did not usually set you free, and lying made a bad situation ten times worse!

I had to think fast, now! If I came out with the truth, however George Washingtonian in honesty, and made a contrite mea culpa, I would still be forced to go through an Auto-da-fé before the Grand Inquisitor, and we all knew you couldn't Torquemada nothing!

So I decided to get creative and told her that I had been "bumped and jostled in the hallway by others of the student body," and that while that happened, one eraser hit the other, causing a puff of nontoxic calcium oxide to be released into the hall atmosphere. (See EPA Chemical Release Incident Report #2696295-F, and OSHA Chemical Exposure Report #3.14159-GW)

Mrs. Roberts was seemingly satisfied at the logic and plausibility of the explanation, and, in my defense, it was laced with generous amounts of the truth.

Mrs. Roberts no doubt thought at first that the white smoke emanated from the lips of some wayward preteen student puffing clandestinely on a cigarette, thus she was, no doubt pleased that this was not at all the case.  Nevertheless I was urged to take more care when exiting the classroom with erasers in my hands, especially in the presence of the student body.

Honesty has always been my best policy, and I have to say that in stretching and skewing a story this was indeed my finest hour. I had reformed after having seen the error of my ways and no more went seen  - or unseen clapping erasers in the school hall, or elsewhere.