Old Faithful?

Old Faithful?

22 May, 2014

San Francisco

YELLOWSTONE, in the state of Wyoming, is probably the most important and interesting of our National Parks. Its natural beauty and diversity of content certainly ensures that it is on anyone's "must see" list.

No visit to Yellowstone would be complete without seeing the geysers - especially OLD FAITHFUL. 

This cone geyser spurts thousands of gallons of hot water high into the air, and does so like clockwork. It "erupts" every 91 minutes ... it's regularity giving it its name.

As visitors, my family and I watched this geothermal spectacle in amazement, and then began to explore the areas around the geyser.

There were a few troops of Boy Scouts there that day. A former Scout myself, I knew Tenderfoot Scouts when I saw them. I took a notion to play a trick on them.

I was standing by a large, old pipe, which had a valve and a huge rusty wheel that could be turned. I have absolutely no idea what this valve controlled when it was in working condition, but now it was a relic of a bygone day.

I struck up a conversation with the Scouts, and we swapped camping stories, etc. One of the guys asked about me, and I told him that, if they could keep a secret...

"I work for the park," I said, lowering my voice. "This here valve controls the water flow to "Old Faithful," I explained. I have this schedule that I have to keep - every hour and a half, and while everybody's looking over there at the geyser, I turn the crank and turn the water on!"

Most of the kids just stood there incredulously, but this one Scout just wasn't buying my line of malarkey. He pipes up: "Look, this is a GEYSER... " and proceeded to explain in great detail the mechanics of just how they work. 

He was pretty good, too, but I continued: "Yeah, I know that, and that's the way it USED to be years ago. But some time ago there was a seismic shift in the paradymetric core, and the thing just dried up!"

"REALLY???" they all went - even Brainy Smurf!   I had 'em eating out if my hand!!

"Yeah! It was TERRIBLE: all these folks come from all over to see the show, only to be disappointed. Just think of all the money the park would lose if that got out!!"

"So what happened?" one kid asked.

"Oh, they installed this huge pipe to bring hot water from another geyser."

Brainy wasn't totally convinced. "So if YOU turn on the water, why don't ya turn it on NOW!"

"Are you KIDDING?!" I asked, feigning shock at such a preposterous thought. "See that ranger over there? That's my boss. Guys, I'd lose my JOB if turned it on at the wrong time!

They understood totally.

Now, all this time I was keeping track of Old Faithful's schedule. We has BS'ed for so long that the eruption was only minutes away, so I said: "Ya know, it's close enough - he won't notice a minute or two difference" I told them in confidence. "Watch THIS!!"

I began to turn the valve, rotating it counter-clockwise VERY SLOWLY so as to buy time. 

Brainy commented: "I don't see any water coming out..."

"Of COURSE ya don't!" I agreed; the control is way down deep in the earth. It takes time for the pressure to build. Once we get up to around 5,000 PSI, you're gonna get quite a show!"

I turned the valve a bit more, and then there came a noise: partly Old Faithful, partly the crowd exclaiming. Then up, up from the ground shot thousands of gallons of pure, hot water, spurting high into the clear, blue Wyoming sky of Yellowstone!

As the eruption ran its course, I began to rotate the valve wheel clockwise, ever so slowly, and the geyser flow diminished to the same degree, all this for the Scouts' benefit: One must stay in character.

The Scouts sure had a show and a story to tell, all right, and I pulled off the greatest practical joke ever - the day I turned "Old Faithful" on and off!!